The Land of Mµ does not spring to mind when thinking of the world’s sporting giants. Not surprising because Mµ doees have a laid back and relaxed attitude to life. Competitiveness is nowhere near the top of the list when considering Mµian qualities. However, they can rise to the occasion when required, and that means its more for a laugh than winning. Here we will have reports on the major occasions in the Land of Mµ sporting calendar.

10 October 2016

Some tourists to the Land of Mμ are disappointed to find no golf course here. Mμians have different ideas however, preferring to have fun instead. One can be friendly and courteous to holidayers, but that doesn’t mean you have to lean over backwards to mollify them.
So a great chance of a compromise. A full 18 holer, over 7,000 yards of driving and putting - with a difference. Its the world's first full size Crazy Golf course. The obstacles are all real obstacles; a windmill and a water mill for instance - the ball has to do the full 360 degrees. Hole 1 is the Helter Skelter, and that will sort the boys (tourists) from the men (Mμians). The par 357 Maze will be quite a challenge, and beware the Tropical House. Any broken panes will have to be paid for!
The Land of Mμ is working its way through a list of top golfers to find one with a sense of humour who will officially open the course; the phone bill is getting quite high. Despite this plans are advanced for an inaugural Land of Mμ Open, to be screened live Mμ.B.C.

11^th – 21^st July 2016 Land of Mµ Olympigames
With the miserable gits who organise the Olympic Games not admitting hardly any sports that are played in Mµ into the Olympics, and only choosing those that are rarely indulged in here, the Land of Mµ decided to hold its own rival Olympigames. Invitations were sent to other disaffected countries and places and they could each bring in their own national sport.
We had not organised a multisport event for many years, but here are some old photos of lady's handcrushing, men's waterchute fours, lady's chin pointing, synchonised surfing, shed butting and power assisted cycling from that last event.

There were ups and downs in the The Land of Mµ Olympigames. Chased by  Dalmatians got them off to a cracking start, However the Beach Egg and Spoon Race was marred by the Akimbo team being accused of using glue. The All-comers Sack Race was won by Lothlorien (well that was what they  put on their entry form) with super-lightweight sacks. Things got silly  thereafter. The jolly good sports clause stated that winners buy the  other competitors a round at the Sow and Fiddle in Straddle. This lead  to a realisation by some that they could have free drinks for the week  if they just didn't try. This first came to light in the Mixed Wheelbarrow when most pairs simply stopped and some actually went  backwards

Straddle won a surprise Goldish medal. They came first in the Boarding the Bus elimination event.  At each stage its twice around the bus, the doors open and the last  person to grab a seat is out. The Land of Mµ team were severely compromised as they kept forgeting where they had put their over-60s bus passes. The climax was the final of Hook-a-Duck. A game of chance it is not! There's one duck per competitor, and three have the winning medal value underneath. Competitors  patiently study the ducks as they pass by, looking for tell tales signs. The expert hookers will try to lure a  less experienced one into hooking a medal-less duck. The tensions ran high and the audience was instructed to switch off mobile phones. The Heligoland team scored a notable victory in the extreme ironing event. They clinched the goldish medal by a single point through their choice of fabric - chenille! This was very taxing for the judges as they needed to be able to go sky diving, mountaineering, and white water rafting to watch the teams.

After a bit of discussion over appeals (and more than a few rounds of  drinks) the final medal table for the Land of Mµ Olympigames was announced. Unsurprisingly Land of Mµ came top having chosen most of the  sports, but it is good to see that every team won a Goldish medal in  their guest event. Land of Mµ formally invited Straddle, as runners-up, to host the next Olympigames in 3 years time.

Goldish Silvery Brassy Land of Mu 37 15 10 Straddle 9 9 11 Looking Glass Land 4 5 13 Lothlorien 4 8 2 North Pole 3 4 7 Heligoland 2 8 0 Ruretania 2 6 2 Saragossa 1 4 5 Gallifrey 1 2 4 Galapagos Is 1 3 4 Tatooine 1 2 3 Grand Duchy of Fenwick 1 2 3 Brentford 1 2 1 Laernu 1 1 4 Snark Island 1 1 2 Forest of Arden 1 1 0 Mercia 1 0 1 Unseen University 1 0 1 Valhalla 1 0 0 Aberystwyth 1 0 0

Top medal winner at the Land of Mµ Olympigames, Norbert Olympi-Champion  (he has changed his name) relaxes with a ‘wee tot’ as he poses with his 5 Goldish medals. He came first in Tossing the Pancake (150 yards), Your Round Mate (17 pints without paying), Life of Pie (14 types including crusts), Downhill Roly-poly 3 furlongs (1 min 28 secs), and Animal Impersonating (17 mating calls and 6 on all fours).

18th - 19th June 2016

One important sport in the Land of Mµ's calendar was the the inaugural 48 Hours motor race programme.With a circuit that runs around the border of Land of Mµ and set  for 48 hours it is very gruelling for cars and drivers. Especially as  only amateur drivers and classic cars can compete. Refreshment tents  (sandwiches, coffee, and real ale available) and portaloos are set up at every 25 miles ready for the drivers to have their comfort breaks.
Watch how the 1967 Mustangs make gains on the straights only to lose out on the mountain hairpins to the Hillman Imps when they have to do  3-point turns. The crowds were told to expect much rivalry between the competing 2CVs, And not be surprised if no-one makes it to the end!
The winner of this year's Land of Mµ 48 hours race was No 6 Ford GT40  driven by Steve McQueen (no relation) and Stirling Moss (again no  relation) who took to the wheel for 8 hour stints and managed 137 laps completed. The winner of the Mad as a Box of Frogs Trophy for the  highest places 2CV went to No 28 driven by A. Frenchman. with 28 laps completed. The Golden Hµpµ award for best take off goes to Bert Nutter in his rocket assisted No 8 car. He collected the award when he  finally landed.

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