A mail coach makes its way northwards, away from Ankh-Morpork and those areas where the City Watch have jurisdiction. The coach has only one passenger, a stupid looking boy, but the driver hears conversations with several voices during the journey. A highwayman holds up the coach, but not only leaves empty handed, but lets the boy take his horse to complete his journey to Bad Blintz in Uberwald. It is amazing what you may agree to with your trousers full of rats. The boy is a rat-piper (of sorts) and he is accompanied by a cat called Maurice and the Clan of rats. Maurice and the rats can talk and think for themselves.

The Mailcoach Penny Patrician that was only avaiable in booklets of
6 stamps from the Green Cabbage Trading scheme.

Maurice is the brains of a scam. They call at a town, the rats run riot and the townsfolk call for a piper - Keith. He leads the rats away for $30. Simple. How come the animals can talk? They lived next to the Unseen University, just where the wizards dumped their rubbish and old spells. Their abilities were awakened when they ate there. Maurice ate one of the rats and acquired the ability, but being one of the most streetwise of the city`s cats realised the potential. All he needed was to recruit a kid.

The rats have been finding the scam harder and harder to pull off, hence the trip to Bad Blintz. One last job in a prosperous but backward town and they could retire. Maurice is harder to persuade. He sees it not as stealing because the money comes from government. Keith has no opinion. The rats all took their names from the tins and food wrappers in the rubbish dump. Their leader is Hamnpork, the brains is Darktan, the scribe is Peaches, and the mystical thinker is Dangerous Beans, a near-blind albino rat. Bad Blintz is not all is seems to be. Neat and tidy but there are food queues outside the Rathaus, and here are notices saying that half a dollar will be paid for each rat-tail. A pair of evil looking rat-catchers go by with several tails. However, they do not look right to Maurice. They meet Malicia, daughter of the mayor, who quickly realises Maurice speaks, but accepts this being a granddaughter of fairy story writers The Sisters Grim.
The rats prepare to do their worst, but first make sure that it is safe to move around beneath the floorboards. Darktan`s squads look for traps and poison, while widdling rats mark the ground and spoil food. But despite the lack of food in the town they find no resident rats there, just a few dead ones. There is plenty of poison and an array of different traps to be set off. In her kitchen Keith explains to Malicia that he is an orphan brought up by the Musicians Guild. At this point Sardines, in a straw boater, a stick twirling, tap dancing rat appears singing Theres no business like show business. Maurice explains that the rat-catchers tails were in fact bootlaces; they had aglets. So Malicia plans a snoop in their shed that night.
The 10 Bizot stamp from Bad Blintz featuring the Rathaus

The 2 pence stamp from the Guild of Ratcatchers minisheetThose
in Bad Blintz wear the same costume as those in Ankh-Morpork

The Sport of the 1 Bizot stampfrom Bad     The Musicians Guild 2p stamp        The 50 Bizot stamp from Bad Blintz         .
Blintz featuringa widdling rat                                                                   featuring Sardines the tap-dancing rat    .

They find the shed has a secret trap door down to a storeroom full of food; corn, sausages, potatoes, cabbages and so on. The men have been stealing the town`s food, not the rats. Worse though, they find another room full of caged rats. Hamnpork`s scouting party also arrive and are upset. At this point the men return and tie up Malicia and Keith, and capture Hamnpork. He would be an ideal rat to throw into the pit that night with the dogs. Maurice has made his escape but hears another voice in his mind trying to control him. He meets Darktan and Peaches, who set the boy and girl free, and they make a rescue plan for Hamnpork, In the barn where the menfolk are betting on whose terrier will kill more rats in the pit, as Hamnpork is put in he makes a stand against the dog, but the other non-sentient rats just panic. Sardines dives in on elastic bands and saves Hamnpork, but he was old and has been injured. The voice in Maurice`s head reveals itself as Spider.
The ratcatchers decide to leave town in a hurry. They return to the shed and have a cup of tea. Malicia confronts them and says that the sugar contained rat poison, and they had to tell the truth in order to have the antidote. They tell all, and are told that the antidote is in the cellar, where they are locked in. In fact the sugar merely contained a strong laxative. Hamnpork meanwhile dies while Maurice and others have been drawn to Spider, now revealed as a king-rat - several rats all with their tails tied together. This is what passes as a masterpiece in the Guild of Ratcatchers. Spider is defeated but Dangerous Beans is mortally wounded. Death of Rats appears for him as does Death himself, for Maurice has also lost one of his nine lives in the battle. In a fit of conscience Maurice trades another of his lives so that Dangerous Beans may live.

The unissued (rejected design) One Penny Hogswatch stamp from
the Year of the Signifying Frog, featuring Death of Rats

Next day a real rat-piper in a black and white suit arrives, and tries to overcharge the town for his services. Keith challenges him to a dual, but because his pipe was broken by the men he has to borrow a trombone. Keith wins obviously because the Clan usher all the other rats to follow. The rat-piper gives Keith a new pipe and shows him the trick of a note beyond human hearing. Maurice brings the mayor and aldermen and rats together to plan a future together on equal terms with a signed pact. The rats can live in Bad Blintz and can make a living gnawing wooden ornaments for tourists. They had hoped for an island of their own, but this place is just as good. They plan a Rat-Clock where every 15 minutes a pair of rats appear and strike the bells. And Keith will be the town`s official rat piper and put on a show every day. With street names becoming bilingual in human and rat languages, it is not long before we see stamps produced by rats for rats.

    
A Rat-piper on the Bad                                     The 100 Bizot stamp from Bad Blintz                         The Rathaus Rat-clock on the
Blintz 5 Bizot stamp                   Adapted from Wotua Grams painting The Signing of the Pact.           Bad Blintz 20 Bizot stamp

The rat produced stamps valued at 1, 5 and 20represented by a raisin, a potato and a candle

We do not find out what happened to the rat-catchers,  but do know they really needed clean trousers. But, this new life is not for Maurice. He heads off to find a stupid looking boy with his belongings over his shoulder, hoping to make it big in the city

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