Upon my word, I`m not a lying man

Polly Perks cut her hair, dressed as a lad, and left the family inn to join the army as Oliver Perks. Her brother Paul had joined a year ago and they had had only one letter, with a real Zlobenian stamp on it, off him since then. Polly did most of the jobs in the inn, but if her father died and there was no Paul she could not inherit. That was Borogravian law. She crossed the Troll Bridge of Tubz and made her way to Munz where Sgt Jackrum and Cpl Strappi let her kiss the Duchess`s picture and gave her an IOU for a shilling. She is now a fully paid up soldier serving in the 10th Foot Regiment otherwise known as the Cheesemongers. They get the nicknmae from an old folksong about one of their number cheating a dairynaid out of one of her cheeses, Jackrum is a typical sergeant, very rotund, and he promises to look after his lads. Strappi is weaselish,  There were a few more recruits. Tonker, Wazzer, Shufti and Lofty were all lads, Maladict a Black Ribboner vampire, an Igor, and Corborundum a troll.

                            
.        The first Zlobenian One Zloty stamp              The Troll Bridge of Tubz       The Black Ribbon of the Temperance League

At the Kneck keep Sam Vimes is acting Consul for Ankh-morpork in Zlobenia, part of the six nation alliance of Borogravia;s neighbours, who had had enough of the wars. Ankh-Morpork is annoyed because the Borgravians have destroyed the clacks towers on the route to Genua because they are Abominations unto Nuggan. There are a new and crazier abominations unto Nuggan all the time. The country is ruled by Duchess Annogovia, but she has not been seen since she went into mourning 70 years ago in the Castle at Prince Marmaduke Piotre Albert Hans Joseph Bernardt Wilhelmsberg.
The current dispute seems to stem from a boundary dispute between Zlobenia and Borogravia. This border has been defined as the Kneck River. But each winter the floods, and sometimes felled trees blocking the flow, cause it to flow along new courses. What was Borogravian is now in Zlobenia, and vice versa. Troops will then defend their new gained territory as an occupying force. The Kneck keep was Borogavian, but is now in Zlobenian hands, and is the hub of the fighting.

One of the Nuggan postal labels
included on the Borogravian sheet

The castle features on the
Borogravian three pence stamp.

The war has led to a number of special stamps. There are Zlobenian miltary overprints on Borogravian stamps, and Borogravian (mis-spelt) on Zlobenian stamps showing The Duchess in profile. Bad Blintz stamp booklets have also been overprinted for Zlobenian use, both on the cover and the stamps. And a special version of the Penny Patrician for those from the city who are serving in the campaign - the Military Patrician.

That night Polly slips off to the latrine, the one thing that might give her away. A mystery voice reveals someone knows she is a girl and offers a pair of socks to stuff down her trousers to complete the look. As they march off to the front Polly finds Lofty is also a girl. They get to the barracks at Plotz, where they meet their officer, Lt Blouse. They find they are getting remnants for uniform and weaponry, going to eat scubbo, and they they will not be trained at Clutz. They will go straight to the front line. Cpl Srappi goes missing at this news, but not before rummaging through the recruit`s kit and stealing Maladict`s precious coffee. During the evening seven horseman ride in - Zlobenian cavalry. Polly has disguised herself as a barmaid and clubs one and knees the officer, Cpt Horenz, in the groin. He is tall, arrogant, monocled and comes complete with monocle and a scar on his cheek. The other recruits have also laid out the cavalry men who were expecting no resistance. There is also another visitor, Otto von Chriek the iconographer. The Times is covering the war and this is a scoop. Before they set off they find their kit has been searched and Polly`s tresses and Maladicta`s beloved coffee has been stolen.

The Two Zloty stamp of Zlobenia also features
the arms showing clogs, the country`s top export

As the march on they meet badly wounded soldiers limping home, peasants moving away from the borders, and find a couple murdered - probably by deserters. They struggle to keep belief in the message that they are winning the war. The boat that should have delivered them is not there so they march on.  They come across William de Worde and Otto. They have difficulty with the concept of a newspaper but give William his story. They find out that Cpt Horenz was in fact Prince Heinrich himself. There is even a cartoon of Heinrich holding hands with Morporkia while a diminutive Perks knees him. They also find out the situation is bad and that the Borogravian high command are prisoners in the keep.
Morporkia as she appeared on
the 5p AMPO stamp from the
Year of the Happy goose

A sample of Klatchian coffee, complete with a 2 pence
import duty stamp wasa special limited offer to collectors.

Then they notice light flashes - coded messages - being sent position near them. They manage to surprise the Zlobenians and capture the code book. Blouse orders disinformation to be sent. Polly finds out that all the recruits are girls. All the time Wazzer is talking with the Duchess. And a bag of coffee (best Klatchian no less) for Maladicta drops mysteriously from the sky
When they arrive at Kneck, while Jackrum wants to join the army camp, the recruits and Blouse devise a plan of entering the keep as washerwomen. They succeed in that but are caught and kept in an old kitchen. Tonker shows them how to rig an explosion using a candle and bags of old flour. They get the keys to the cells and free the Borogravian officers. Even though. there are still battles within the keep. The officers want to deal with Polly and Co. Are they soldiers or have they broken Nugganatic law? With the Times articles proving popular in Ankh-Morpork they have no ready solution, until Wazzer starts instructing them, in the Duchess` voice, to negotiate a treaty, and Jackrum arrives and reveals that over one third of the military top brass are also women including General Froc herself. Polly is chosen to present the treaty to the Alliance.
Another Nugganite postal label;
not all were bizarre

The Sir Samuel Vimes $1 purple issued
in the Year of the Spinning Mouse

She first meets Sir Sam Vimes, smoking a cigar who is sympathetic towards the recruits, but wants an end to the war and for Borogravia to mend itself to prevent a famine. Vimes is scathing about the abonimations unto Nuggan, but reckons he could abide by the ban on accordian players. He has also found Paul and Polly is taken to him. Vimes has been keeping close watch on the recruits on their journey since Plotz, and providing a bit of help, using Angua and Buggy Swires on a buzzard. Nuggan will fade into the background, but despite her ephemeral nature the Duchess will continue to rule Borogravia.

The Little Mother LBE label with a picture of
Grand Duchess Annogovia.

When everybody is happy, Polly confronts Jackrum, and he too owns up to being a woman. He even has a son and grandchildren. Polly convinces him to go to them, not as the mother but as the father. Back home, 6 months later, she receives an icongraph of the Jackrum family group.

Inevitably hostilities break out again and Polly gets out her Sergeant`s uniform and heads for the ferry. Maladicta joins her. Nothing has changed. Borogravia it still in the grips of proclamations from Nuggan and the memory of Grand Duchess Annagovia