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...... and a thousand elephants!
There is a small insignificant hill lying in the coastal dunes 30 miles from Ankh-Morpork. This is the location of Holy wood. In a hovel made from driftwood the last Keeper of the Gate passes away. He was too busy doing the chanting three times a day to train up an apprentice to take over; thousands of years of tradition are lost. As a result a small hole appears in the sands and an idea escapes.
It is business as usual at the Alchemists Guild, which mean another explosion and a rebuilding program. This time however the culprit announces that he as created Octocellulose, which makes a change from converting gold into lead. Mr Silverfish and others start holding meetings behind closed doors and declaring that the light at Holy Wood, though how he knew that he has no idea. 
The Alchemists Guild Penny Farthing raised money for the
Guild’s Widows and Orphans Fund. Due to their inherent nature, few members actually got married in order to leave a family behind
A letter to Mr Silverfish rescued from the crater left after one of the many explosions at
The guild. Also, there is one of the Gold into Lead stamps that the guild transmuted.
At the Unseen University there is a new chancellor, Ridcully. U
nfortunately between fishing, hu
nting, shooting and riding, he also tries to interfere in the running of the place. Student wizard Victor Tugelbend is preparing to just fail his exams again. An inheritance depends on this. But in the Plaza of Broken Dreams a show is being prepared. Moving pictures have arrived. In the coming days there is a steady stream of people heading for Holy Wood; Victor, Detritus the troll, CMOT Dibbler and Gaspode the dog to name but a few. None know exactly why they are going, it is just a desire to get involved. Dibbler convinces Silverfish that he needs a publicist and scriptwriter, and he can get the crowds in. Victor is hired for a one-reeler alongside veteran actress of five weeks Ginger (as Delores de Syn), for a film called Sword of Passion. An unscripted and unintended kiss at the end makes the film a huge hit.
Mustrum Ridcully. the new Actually it was Laddie, the WonderDog. Until
Chancellor of the Unseen University these events Gaspode was just another dumb mutt
Victor finds the shack in the sand dunes and buries the body of the Keeper. He also finds that he kept a diary, but each entry is more or less the same. Going to the lavatory, chanting, eating and keeping the fire going. There are entries by many predecessors, the earliest ones in letters made of pictures. Gaspode confesses to Victor that he has not always been able to talk; it happened suddenly two weeks previously. He coaches Victor and Ginger how to negotiate more money out of Silverfish.
Over in Klatch, Azhural, a merchant of exotica, gets an order for a thousand elephants. They do not have quite that many stock, but he reckons they can pick more elephants on their travels around the Circle Sea to Ankh-Morpork. Azhural`s assistant, Mbu, announces It’s 1500 miles to Ankh-Morpork, we have 363 elephants, 50 carts of forage, the monsoon is about to break, and we are wearing these sort of dark things over our eyes. Hit it!!
Un-issued version of the Offler stamp. This design was
originally intended for use on a Klatchian stamp.
Azhural may not have been from the country of Klatch but
he and Mbu would have passed through with the elephants.
The film industry is going from strength to strength. Dibbler has brought in his nephew Soll as Vice President and managed to overthrow Mr Silverfish. There will be a great new epic; a three-reeler. It will have everything; passion, war, fires, cliff-hangers, and naturally lots of elephants. It will be called Blown Away. Based loosely on the Ankh-Morpork Civil War, a replica city will be built and then burned down in the finale. Mrs Cosmopolite is kept busy in the wardrobe department preparing period costumes. Silverfish has found a wonder dog called Laddie the Wonder Dog, who obeys all commands and stars in his own films, much to the disgust of Gaspode.
Another Letter to Mrs Cosmopolite, this time from Sto Lat.
But not everything is perfect. The Librarian has been to see Shadow of the Desert (several times) and notices something. He removes one frame from the film reel and in the deepest depths of the Library compares the symbols on some old stonework in the background with those in the Discworld`s most dangerous grimoire, The Necrotelicomnicom. Ginger has started visiting the hill in the dunes at night, where the falling sand has revealed a portal with a door that opens inch by inch each day. She wakes to no memory of it. Eventually, Victor, Ginger, Gaspode and Laddie go through the door and down and down into what is an ancient and decaying cinema. It is part of a forgotten city, now mostly lost beneath the waves. There is a huge stone figure of a man on his back holding a sword on his chest,. Ginger has had dreams about him, and he is one of the symbols carved in the stone and in The Keeper`s book.
The books of the Unseen University library
feature on the first penny stamp.
The *stars* of the clickies. Victor, Delores and Laddie from the Year of the Querulous Megapode
At the Unseen University an old resograph (looking likely a vase with ornamental elephants) has started firing pellets- whuuum whuuuum plib! It was one of the inventions of a long deceased wizard called Numbers Riktorm who believed that universe could ultimately be reduced to numbers. These whuuum whuuuum plibs are becoming more and more frequent. the resograph measures disturbances in reality. The Bursar reads that two pellets a month is bad. It is now up to 10 per minute. The disturbances seem to be coming from the direction of Holy Wood.
The first Unseen University farthing stamp in the Year of the Signifying Frog was also available in booklets of 10 stamps.
Eventually Blown Away is completed. Dibbler1s every attempt to sneakily advertise Harga`s House of Ribs have been foiled by Soll. Victor and Ginger are treated like royalty at the premiere. The Patrician is there, and even most of the senior wizards (in disguise) have turned up. As the film reaches its finale though, a giant Ginger starts to climb out of the screen, scattering the audience. A giant Victor also attempts to climb out but the real Victor gathers up all the reels of Octacellulose. Add a torch and Whooomph!! The citizens are then treated to a view of the giant woman climbing the Tower of Art, clutching the librarian, whilst Ridcully and the Bursar swoop around it on borrowed broomstick. Victor chases up the inside of the Tower. He summons a bolt of lightning which hits the monster, which falls, trying to change shape all the way down, hitting the ground in a mass of tentacles. The whole episode has been filmed, but the clicks will be banned in the city.
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Revisiting Holy Wood Victor and Ginger find that the old texts in the book needed to be read backwards. The giant figure with a sword was a guardian holding things back. The old cinema is part of an old city that succumbed to the sea. The portal is finally sealed tight.
Fred Colon at the gates of the city is greeted by a Klatchian man who asks Where do you want these elephants?
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