AND WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR HOGSWATCH SMALL HUMAN?

Susan Sto Helit, DEATHs granddaughter is governess to the Gaiter`s children, Twyla and Gawain. Her predecessor had installed a belief of bogeymen and monsters in the kids to get their obedience. Now Susan, who unlike adults, can see the monsters and has to deal with them using a stout poker. She also has to deal with the bears that lurk around street corners when she takes the children for a walk.

The green Sto Helit five pence stamp
featuring Susan which was a limited
issue to coincide with the release of
The Hogfather film

Schleppel, a bogeyman nearly appeared on
a stamp in the Undead Rights set.

At the Assassins Guild Lord Downey has a visit from a spectral figure. The Auditors of Reality want a contract out on The Hogfather, and will pay $3 million. The inhumation of an anthropomorphic personification requires special talents. Downey sends for Mr Teatime, which the guild took in as an orphan. Downey thinks they should have taken more notice of his background. Teatime (pronounced Tee-ah-time-eh) already has developed a plan for such a task, in his spare time with plans to inhume the Tooth Fairy and the Soul Cake Duck.Teatime meets the gang he has recruited, Chickenwire, Mr Peachy, Catseye, Medium Dave and his giant, simple brother Banjo. They are joined by Sideney, a student wizard. Introductions over, Mr Teatime punches Banjo in the mouth. The childlike Banjo goes to bed that night with the knocked out tooth under his pillow. Violet, one of the Tooth Fairys collectors, leaves him half a dollar, and is unceremoniously captured. The gang then wait for Ernie the Carter, who takes all the teeth to the Tooth Fairy. They board his wagon, pick up Mr Brown the locksmith, and let Ernie open the portal to the other dimension near the Unreal Estate, before Teatime knifes him.

The Soul Cake Duck and her
edible eggs on the first
Soul Cake Day stamp.

The Contract Assassins three penny
stamp issued during the Year of the
Reversed Ptarmigan

The Auditors specified that they wanted
The Fat Man inhumed and showed
Lord Downey a picture like this on the
first Hogswatch stamp

At home Death suspects something is wrong. He checks the hour glasses and finds the The Hogfather is rapidly running out. He takes immediate action. He and Albert must take the  place of the Hogfather and deliver all the presents to the children.
Susan has popped out for a drink at Biers (the establishment for the differently alive), and is surprised to find herself joined by Death of Rats and Quoth the Raven. Quoth translates the Grim Squeaker`s Eeeks . They try to tell her what Death is up to, but she has been trying to lead a relatively normal life and does not want to be involved. Her mind is changed when Death and Albert turn up at the Gaiter`s house to deliver presents and drink the sherry resprctively; especially when Death tells her he cannot tell her what has been happening and not get involved.

A Tiny Post letter addressed to Igor at Biers. The Tiny Post
items were the result of a printing error regarding minimum size of
envelopes - the operative Not was omitted.

These two stamps were intended to be part of the Hogswatch issue for the Year of the Signifying Frog. However the idea was shelved and only the 50p value surfaced.
The illustrations were subsequently used for a range of Hogswatch postal labels

The Gaiters have left the traditional sherry, pork pie and turnip for the Hogfather. Susan has replaced
the poker

At the Unseen University there is a door; barred, bolted and locked with a notice saying not to be opened in any circumstances. Ridcully orders Modo to break it down, and a bathroom designed by Bloody Stupid Johnson which of course, contains every accessory that a bathroom could and should not have. He is quite surprised when he tries a knob labeled Old Faithful. He makes a mental note of where not to sit next time. Ridcully muses over why there isn`t a Veruca Gnome, to match the Tooth Fairy, and he pops into existence. He discusses this with the other wizards and they ask why, if there is a God of Wine, why not a God of Hangovers.

The $3 B.S. Johnson stamp from the Great Inventors issue
from the Year of the Complicated Monkey.

Susan has decided to get involved and summons Binky to take her to the Hogfather`s Castle of Bones. Here she meets the God of Hangovers, Bilius, who also just popped into existence. But then the castle starts to crumble and they have to leave.
Death and Albert are still on their rounds. Death comments that he must be making a good job of impersonating the Hogfather, even leaving evidence such as sleigh marks on the roofs of the houses. Albert suggests a personal appearance, so they gate-crash the Hogswatch grotto at Crumleys toy store. Death replaces the Hogfather there and starts to hand out exactly what the children wish for Hogswatch for free; much to Mr Crumley`s annoyance. Death is getting a bit confused about humans and belief and wealth. Over in Slice where the folk are poor, he cannot see why they do not get many presents, but in Morpork the children of richer families get all the best presents. Out in the country, the snow is deep and crisp and even. A king and his page make their way to a peasants cottage where they find they family only have beans to eat. The king presents them with the carcasse of his hogswatch turkey as there is plenty of meat left on it. Death arrives and sends the king away with a flea in his ear. He presents the peasants with a Pig`s Head feast, with all the trimmings - bacon, pork pies, sausages and black pudding.

The Castle of Bones Hogswatch stamp was also available in a
miniature sheet

 
The rooftops of Ankh-Morportl from two of the Fairytale of Ankh-Morpork . A Hogswatch feast is not light on pork derivatives as the
           stamps. Death is busy impersonating the Hogfather,                        Bathtowel stamp shows. Some (not many) of these stamps,
                                                                                                   like this example were perforated to create a triptych.

At the University, Susan with Bilius, and Death meet up. More small gods have been appearing including an Eater of Socks , Stealer of Pencils and worst of all, a Cheerful Fairy. Hex has had an upgrade. They put to it questions about these small gods. Hex informs them that there is a finite amount of belief on Discworld. If a major player, such as the Hogfather were to lose his believers there would be spare belief; enough to create the small gods on a whim. Outside Mrs Hugg`s wassailers meet their match when round the corner come Arnold Sideways, Henry Coffin, Duckman and Foul ol` Ron doing their version of the songs.

Hex appeared on the second one penny
stamp issued by the Unseen University
in the Year of the Happy Goose.

Duckman is one of the Wassailers on this
Fairytale of Ankh-Morpork stamp.

Susan investigates the Hogfathers disappearance. She starts with the missing Violet. Checking her life story book she finds that her last job was at Banjo`s room, and that she is at the Tooth Fairy`s castle. Susan and Bilius head there and find themselves in a land like a painting of a child including a house, which in fact is the castle. Through the door they find themselves in a white tower with spiral staircases. There is a huge pile of children`s teeth in the middle of the floor. Teatime and the thieves have been working their way up the tower, emptying the storerooms of all the teeth. Like snippets of hair and toenails, teeth can allow you to gain possession of the person, and in this case to remove belief of the Hogfather. They have found a large amount of money and title deeds (the Tooth Fairy operation does need financing) and are now at the topmost room whose locks have defeated Mr Brown. He is disposed of down the stairs and Sideney takes over. Susan finds Violet, and with Bilius its love at first sight. The tower is now defending itself. One by one the villains are experiencing the nightmares of their childhood. Eventually there is only Teatime and Banjo, and Banjo finds out that this was all a plot to kill the Hogfather. Susan manages to push Teatime over the rails and he crashes to the floor - and disappears. He crashes into the Hogswatch feast at the University demolishing an entire course.

Bilious and his party animal counterpart Bibulous appeared on a pair of stamps in the Year of the Querulous Nematode
Bilious has painted the prcelain on the sport of his stamp

In the top room Susan finds the Tooth Fairy. In fact it is the very first Bogeyman. Now freed there is a job vacancy which Susan offers to Banjo, with Violet and Bilius as helpers. Death informs Susan that the Hogfather is still not safe. The locate him and set off on Binky. The Hogfather has gone back to his original primal form of a huge boar, and is being chased by the Auditors in the form of wild dogs through a a snow covered forest. Susan jumps on the boars back; he is already injured by the dogs with blood in the snow, when Susan urges him over a crevasse. The dogs stop on the other side and are confronted by Death who informs them that had not played by the rules. When he asks them Have you been naughty or nice? they are tipped into the void. The boar is dead, but at that moment the sun rises and The Hogfather is reborn.

The Blood in the Snow sport from the
Year of the Happy Goose Hogswatch issue.

Susan returns home and she invites Death in for cocoa and biscuits only to find Mr Teatime waiting for her. Teatime gloats, giving her the chance to grab a poker and throw it through Death and into Teatime`s chest.

Epilogue: DEATH visits a Toymakers shop and asks how much the rocking horse in the window is. The Toymaker says that it is made for Lord Rodley and he will be paying $12. Death offers $50 and this is readily accepted. On his way out Death says that there is a small boy with his nose frozen to the shop window, adding a drop of warm water would help.
The Year of Three Roses Hogswatch issue included a limited edition
miniature sheet telling the story of the lad with his nose frozen to the
window. A well-known author takes the role of the Toymaker.