He forges halfpenny stamps!

Adora Belle Dearheart is buying mining rights to look for golems on Dwarf land. It is all very secret. Moist von Lipwig is bored as postmaster general. For amusement he tries to break into the post office at night. And a very clever forger, Owlswick Jenkins, is yo be hanged - for using his talent to forge halfpenny stamps

One would think that Adora Belle Dearheart would be at least an honorable member of the
Guild of Archaeologists considering her work in excavating lost golems from ancient civilisations.

The evidence used against Owlswick Jenkins
It includes part perforated stamps in stages of development

Vetinari calls Moist to his office. Before Vetinari speaks Moist apologises for the Mongooses in the letterboxes. They were put there to control the snakes that were to deal with the toads that were introduced because of snails. Vetinari is disinterested.

Covers from the affected postboxes stamped Defecated on by Mongeese (sic), Snake Venom, Deadly on Contact
Dribbled on by Toads and Eaten by Snails. These and two others were available through the GCTS scheme

Moist starts to attempt an explanation for both the cabbage scented glue on some of the 50 pence stamps, and a courting couple that can be seen in the cabbage fields on other copies of the same stamp. Vetinari dismisses any offence caused as being self inflicted as a magnifier was needed to be used to see them clearly.

       The cabbage scented glue on the so-called Skunk Stamp requires it to be kept isolated        The Flagrant Cabbage as the sport of the  Year of
                                                                                                                                         the Signifying Frog 50 pence Cabbage Fields is known

The meeting is to offer Moist a new job - running the Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpotk, currently in the hands of the Lavish family. Vetinari has plans, the Undertaking, to modernise the city and needs it financed, but not by the Lavishes. Moist is shown around the building where he meets chief cashier, Malvoli Bent, who is only interested in numbers, can do arithmetic in a flash, and has a zero sense of humour. He meets the workers in the Royal Mint, who are craftsmen retaining ancient practices. A farthing coin cost a halfpence to make, while a penny costs a penny farthing. Luckily a 50p coin costs just 7 pence. A quarter farthing, the Elim, though is produced by old ladies at home and cost a shilling each. Moist then meets the elderly Topsy Lavish, the current chairman of the bank, and her dog Mr Fusspot who takes a liking to Moist. In poor health, living on gin, and in her 80s, Topsy is mentally very sharp, and never leaves the office. She keeps two crossbows on the desk in case the family calls. She immediately recognises Moist as a con-man and gives him her immediate approval. Before leaving Moist meets Hubert, Topsy`s geeky nephew, who has built The Glooper; a hydraulic contraption of tubes, flasks, valves and coloured liquids which can be used to analyse and illustrate the overall financial situation in the city.

         The 1 Elim red It shows the intricate design       The Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork $5 triangle issued in the Year of the Pensive Hare
         of this tiny coin explaining why each coin cost
         one shilling to produce.

Moist rejects the job, but that very night Topsy passes away. In her will she has left Fusspot to Moist and her 50% stake in the bank to Fusspot. As the dog already has 1% this makes him the new chairman. For looking after Fusspot Moist will get $20,000 per year, but should the dog die there is a $100,000 contract lodged with the Assassins Guild. Moist gets a visit from Cosmo Lavish, who wants to buy Fusspot off him. Cosmo aspires to be like Vetinari, By copying his habits and such he hopes to acquire the Patrician`s cunning. His manservant, Heretofore, has been instructed to obtain a stygium ring with an incised V, a skull cap, Vetinari`s boots (walk a mile in my shoes), and replica of his swordstick. Heretofore is both supplying fakes of some of these and overcharging expenses. The painting, Man with Dog of Vetinari and Wuffles, stolen from the Royal Art Gallery, hangs on Cosmo`s wall. Moist is spurred to take on the Bank by Cosmo`s attempt and is inspired to create paper money by the promissary note Cosmo offered. Stamps are already being used as currency.
The 6 Pence Man with Dog stamp from the
Great Artworks of Ankh-Morpork series

Mr Fusspot on the Sport of the Royal Bank $1
I do not like dogs whose tongues hang out

Sacharissa Cripslock interviews Moist for The Times. He will do away wiith the gold standard. A dollar is worth what the city says it is worth, and he will be giving away money. He carefully hand writes some $1 notes and goes off to Tenth Egg Street, a street of small traders. At the Boffo Novelty and Joke Shop he makes the first transaction. Mr Proust takes the note across the street to another shop and spends it there. The note just goes from one trader to another in exchange for goods. Back at the Bank people are queuing to deposit small amounts of money. They also want one of the first issue $1 notes. One of the first stamps, the $5 triangular with the Patrician`s head upside down had been auctioned at Dave`s Pin and Stamp Exchange for £160 - Moist had deliberately included on of those errors on each sheet. C.M.O.T Dibbler wants a small loan for a barrow to sell sausages in a bun, while Harry King deposits $50,000 and wants to borrow $100,000 at 2% interest.

The $2 Boffo version of the Merchants Guild Civic  Naming of the Streets label for Tenth Egg St       cover for Daves Pin & Stamp Exchange mail order
incorporates the advert as part of the stamp.        from the GCTS only sheet. It was not one of
                                                                         those chosen for the two new roads in Wincanton

       Advert for Mr Harry King from the margins of the Merchants           The $5 Brass Bridge blue triangle Sport with inverted Patrician`s head
       Guild Morporkia sheet                                                                 This example is one of the very few with Bath perforations
                                                                                                         This stamp will always remain the holy grail of Discworld stamp collectors

One of Moist`s first experimental $1 bank notes and the Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork chequebook
signed by Mr Fusspot. The cheque book was only available with Waterstones first editions of the book

Teemer and Spools are hired to print some real bank notes, and Moist promises them space in the Royal Mint for their new printing machines. Teemer warns Moist against forgeries, showing Moist that not only did Owlswick excel with his 50 pence stamps, he included more detail than on the originals. Teemer and Spools would use linen paper, watermarks, and special inks to make it harder for forgers. Moist decides Owlswick`s talent is too good to lose on the gallows and with help from the Igor who helps Hubert in his laboratory, springs him from The Tanty by a typical confidence trick, and sets him to work on the design for the proposed $1 notes

The 50p green TOA Owlswick Jenkins forgery and the regular stamp. Click to enlage and compare the extra detail on the forgery

One of the Igor Thtitch-ups - collages
of other stamps stitched together.
Can you identify all the bits used
on this thtitch-up.

Mr Bent checks all calculations done by the bank clerks sat at rotating desk and chair in the centre of the counting room, but under pressure from Cosmo Lavish to undermine Moist, makes a mistake. This is unheard of and several clerks go home in tears. Bent goes missing and does not return to his lodgings at Mrs Cake`s. He is eventually found locked into the vault at the bank, and has to be rescued with a golem having to break in from above. The gold reserves are found to be lead ingots painted gold.

The Glooper has been perfected to the point that it no longer can be used to predict the economy of the city, but any changes made to it will actually influence the economy. Flask 244a representing the gold assets is empty.

An old associate of Moist, Cribbins with spring-loaded false teeth, turns up at the bank posing as an Omnian preacher. He recognises Moist, and plans to exploit this. He befriends the lady at The Times archives and she, a follower of Anoia, invites him to give a talk at the God of The Month Club. He is contacted by Cosmo after Mr Bent`s tip off.
Anoia must be in debt to Moist after experiencing a huge rise in popularity due to the events in Going Postal. She repays this by treating Cribbins` dentures as a kitchen utensil. The springs finally give way and he is whisked off to hospital.

        
Anoia, the Goddess of Things That Get Stuck in Drawers and cover for use by the God of the Month Club

Adora Belle returns to the city. She has tunneled down to ancient original Umnian golems, and they will now set themselves free. She is expecting four golden golems to arrive at the city, but is unsure about the translations. The only person fluent in Umnian, Professor Flead, died three centuries previously. The Department of Post-Mortem Communications (definitely not Necromancy) helps out. Flead reveals that it is not four golden golems heading to Ankh-Morpork, but four thousand golems. Moist has been arrested because as Master of the Royal Mint he is responsible for the missing gold, and was found to be breaking into the vault during Mr Bent`s rescue. Mr Bent, meanwhile is comforted by Miss Drapes from the bank, and it is revealed he ran away as a child from a family of traveling accountants.The golems arrive and position themselves around the city. Neighbouring states will take this as an act of aggressive defence and Hubert reminds everybody that putting the golems to work will put 120,000 out of work and seriously harm city trade. While everybody tries to find a way out Moist does a deal with Flead, knowing he is just an old lech. For an inorcism and a permanent seat at the Pink Pussycat Club, Flead provides Moist with Umnian instructions for the golems. Moist gets them to head out and bury themselves on the city limits. They will now represent the worth of the city.

There is an Abomination unto
Nuggan for almost every situation

.There is an enquiry into the missing gold and Moist admits to being a conman employed as such by Vetinari, foiling both Lavish and Cribbins. It is interrupted by Mr Bent, dressed as clown and throwing custard pies - eight in the air at the same time whilst performing the stepladder trip. Bent is revealed as a Sloshi master. Miss Drapes follows carrying the real ledgers of the banks transactions which reveal old Sir Joshua had spent the lot on a high life and mistresses. Mr Bent had covered it up for him. Moist reveals the secret to control the Umnian golems - wear a gold suit, but not after he had sent a clacks to all the neighbouring states saying that, neutralising any prospect of anybody using the golems in an agressive manner. Mr Bent, inthe care of Dr Whiteface, is revealed as the son of a famous clown on a one night stand. And Cosmo Lavish finally succumbs to both madness believing he is Vetinari, and the effects of wearing a stygium ring many sizes too small for his finger - seriously advanced gangrene and necrosis.

The Sloshi Festival pair of stamps from Muning
issued during the Year of the Frog Ascendant
 

Dr Whiteface as featured on
the Fools Guild three pence stamp